i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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