I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i believe in u and ur pee
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
