Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I got inside last night via doggy door
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
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