Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
