Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
40s are totally the cure
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
