this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
