well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
