Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
