I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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