So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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