I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
