is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
