what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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