One girl and one boy is just not enough.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
