Only a mothe r could love this liver
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
