Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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