I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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