somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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