I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
