Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
