my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
