My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
