i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
