You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
