The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
