when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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