The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
