Dual....:-)
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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