Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
