we have officially lost it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
