When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
