sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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