Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize