Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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