I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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