it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
