you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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