i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
