I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
