I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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