its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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