Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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