i already hear my dad disowning me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
