Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
smell my finger.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
