the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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