oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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