Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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