One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
