he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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