She announced her abortion via fbk
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
