I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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