part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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