im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
