The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
