Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
