Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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