What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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