you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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